When I'm Gone
by Vivere Sine Timore
Summary: Shawn had never heard of glioblastoma multiforme. He only knew what the doctors told him. Like the fact that it had poor survival rates. And let's not forget the fact that it had been growing inside his girlfriend's brain for quite some time now.
1. Prologue

Shawn had never heard of glioblastoma multiforme. He wasn't completely sure how to spell it and could barely pronounce it. The only things he knew about it were the things that the doctors told him. Even as he sat next to Juliet's bed, staring across at the specialist, he couldn't seem to understand the facts; he didn't know what was harder to wrap his mind around. Maybe it was the fact that it was the most common form of brain tumors in adults. Or maybe it was the fact that it was extremely aggressive and resisted some forms of treatment, giving it a low survival rate.

Or perhaps it was the fact that it had been growing inside his girlfriend's brain.

Even as they stared at the scans, they couldn't seem to comprehend that there had a golf ball-sized tumor inside Jules's brain. She'd been complaining of headaches and saying that her vision was blurry, but they hadn't imagined anything of this magnitude. They'd written it off as Jules needing a new contacts prescription and some sickness that would pass. They hadn't thought anything of it.

That is, until Jules had a seizure two days before.

They'd been at the SBPD with the Chief and Lassiter, going over evidence from their current case. Jules had been fidgety all morning, rubbing her eyes and complaining that it felt like someone was putting pressure on her head. Shawn was about to volunteer to take her home when she brought the idea up, and it was granted by the chief along with a few "Get well soon"s from people who overheard. As Shawn had pushed the door open, Jules suddenly froze.

"Jules? Are you alright?" He'd asked, touching her elbow lightly. In the next second, her eyes had rolled up into her head, and she'd collapsed onto the floor in a heap. Shocked screams had followed, including Shawn's own, and multiple people had rushed in to check on Juliet. They rolled her onto her side, calling her name and trying to get her to wake up. Her entire body began to stiffen, then convulse, much to the Shawn's horror.

"She's having a seizure!"

"Get the Chief!"

"Call 911!"

They'd all watched helplessly as the seizure ran its course. When she woke again, they held her still until the paramedics arrived and loaded her into the back of an ambulance, Shawn jumping in after her.

It all seemed like a lifetime ago to Shawn and Juliet, now.

Shawn tried to take in all the information they were throwing at them. They were told that it was a Grade IV tumor, that they'd already removed it and performed a biopsy. They listened as they were told that if Jules had been brought to the emergency room even 24 hours later, she would have died.

Grade IV Glioblastoma Multiforme tumors double in size every few hours.

Jules would have to undergo chemotherapy and radiation.

Chances of survivng Glioblastoma Multiforme Grade IV were slim.

Even if she did survive, there would be many side effects that would affect her for the rest of her life.

Grade IV tumors often grown back, and sometimes resist treatment.

Without treatment, Juliet had three months to live.

* * *

><p><strong>Just and idea I had. Please tell me what you think, and if you think I should continue it.<strong>


	2. Chapter 1

**One review, guys? C'mon. I know you can to better than that.**

* * *

><p>Jules was numb. She was numb to the shock that should have been there, to the fear that she knew she would feel later. She knew she should be angry or sad or frightened or shocked. She knew she should feel something, any sort of emotion, but she didn't.<p>

Two days had passed since they'd gotten the news. The previous morning had been spent at the station, gathering her belongings and informing the chief of what was going on. She'd thanked the lord that Lassiter hadn't been there when she carried the box of her stuff to Gus's car.

After that, they'd gone back to the hospital, where the doctors had inserted a catheter just below her collar bone. She fingered the central line protruding from it, thinking of the chemicals running through it that were supposed to save her life. She was glad that Shawn had gone to get some pajamas from home for her; she didn't have to keep up the facade that she was fine. To be completely honest, she was terrified. She either hadn't heard or didn't understand most of what the doctors had told her. All she knew was that she'd had major surgery and was now partially bald, and that she could easily die from this.

It wasn't even the dying part that got to her. It was the fact that all the people around her, though they knew exactly what she was going through and how she felt, served as reminders that she was dying. She felt sorry for herself- it wasn't fair, after all- but then she would think of her roommate, and in the next instant, she would feel guilty about feeling sorry for herself.

Jenna Lewis had been battling cancer for seven years now. She'd undergone countless surgeries, treatments, and had even relapsed once. And she was only twelve years old. Jules even saw a bit of herself in the young girl, even besides physical traits. She'd already told Jules that she wanted to go into Law Enforcemnt when she grew up, so of course when Jules told her that she was a detective, it made the young girl's day. Jenna had begged Jules to tell her stories of cases and adventures she'd had, up until the nurse came to take Jenna to get a routine spinal tap.

Jules sort of missed the girl already. Telling Jenna stories allowed Jules to forget about what was going on. She could laugh about the times Shawn had messed around with Lassiter, she could relive the thrill of taking down a suspect. She could pretend that her life was normal again.

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry that the chapters are so short. I can't promise that they'll get longer, but I can promise that each short chapter will have more meaning to it.<strong>


	3. Chapter 2

**Two reviews. It's a step up from last time, but I know you guys can do even better than that! Please please please review!**

* * *

><p>Shawn held the plastic bin under Juliet's chin as she retched violently into it. He felt almost as helpless as a baby bird. He didn't know how to comfort Jules, he couldn't sympathsize with her, and she seemed to be shutting out everyone from her life.<p>

Jules finally sagged back against the bed, feeling disgusting and very exhausted. The nurse took the bin from Shawn, who was trying his hardest not to gag. Jules just wanted this to be over, one way or another. She hated the side effects of the chemo; it made her feel so sick at times, she just wanted to die.

She heard a quiet crinkle, and then Jenna was by her bed, holding out a yellow candy.

"They help with the nausea, sort of," she offered, smiling a bit. Jules smiled back and accepted the candy, popping it into her mouth.

"Thank you," she said around the lemon flavored candy. She really did appreciate the gesture. So, in return, she decided to tell Jenna the story of the only other time she remembered being in the hospital- when they thought she had the Thornburg virus.

"Really?" Jenna squeaked, her eyes opening wide.

"Yepp. But it turned out I didn't have the Thornburg virus anyway, so it didn't even matter." Jenna's eye went even wider, if it was even possible. Jules swore that if her eyes got anybigger, they would fall out of their sockets.

"But he got the rottweiler to chase him instead of your partner! He risked so much, just to save you!" Jenna began bouncing on the bed a bit.

"Naw, I don't think it would've been that bad. I didn't even get to the good part, though." Jenna stopped bouncing and stared intently at Jules.

"Tell me!"

"Alright, alright! My personal favorite part is when Shawn barged into my room, still thinking I had Thornburg's, and began talking about cereal boxes and the toys we would find in them as kids. Somehow he managed to turn that around into basically telling me he loved me." Jenna grinned, and Jules grinned back. She could see Shawn smirking out of the corner of her eye.

"Tell me another one!" Juliet couldn't help but laugh as she launched into the next story, this time about her roller derby experience.

* * *

><p>"Please? Just one more, I promise!" Juliet faked a groan and smiled at the girl.<p>

"You said that three stories ago, though! I'm getting tired, kid. I say it's your turn to tell me something." Jenna shrugged. "Why are your parents never around?"

"They're not allowed," she said casually, as if she'd been saying it her entire life. "I've been in the care of the hospital since I got cancer the first time. They basically disowned me."

"Because of the cancer?" Jules gasped, and Jenna nodded. Juliet sat up and opened her arms to the small girl. Jenna went to her without a moment's hesitation and borrowed her face in Juliet's shoulder. She suddenly seemed so young; Jules often forgot that Jenna was still just a little girl. She just seemed so much older than she really was, and it was almost hard to believe that she was only twelve.

The nurse knocked on the door gently. "Jenna? Are you ready to go to PT?" Jenna groaned and pulled away from Jules. She gingerly slid into the wheelchair provided by the nurse and waved as she was wheeled away.

"You okay?" Shawn asked after a moment's hesitation. "You looked a little torn up about Jenna for a second there." Jules sighed and turned towards Shawn.

"I always wanted a daughter," she hinted, smiling a bit.

* * *

><p><strong>Not sure if that's the best way to end it, but I ran out of ideas. And I need to go get ready for my chorus concert. Please review! it makes my day!<strong>


	4. Chapter 3

**Three reviews. I'm beginning to see a pattern here. Think we can shoot for four this time?**

* * *

><p>Jules, though excited that she could finally go home after weeks of treatment, was reluctant to leave. She wanted to go home, but at the same time she didn't want to leave Jenna. She'd become a surrogate mother to the girl over the past weeks, and it made her nervous that she would be leaving her surrogate child behind.<p>

Jenna crossed the room in a flash and wrapper her arms around Juliet's waist. "Promise you'll visit everyday?"

"Of course," Jules replied, hugging her back. "Of course I will." They stood like that for a few seconds until Jenna pulled back and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. Jules bent down to Jenna's height and wiped away a tear cascading down her cheek.

"Hey, she soothed, pulling the smaller girl close again. "C'mon, you're making me feel guilty now." Suddenly an idea popped into her head. Pulling back, she rested her hands on Jenna's shoulders. "I'll be right back." After giving Jenna a soft squeeze, she tore out of the room, down towards the nurses desk. They looked up at her approach, ready to jump up if they were needed. Juliet proposed her idea to them, begging and pleading until they agreed.

**.:X:.**

"Here you go, ma'am," the vendor said dully, handing over the ice cream cones. Jenna's face lit up as one was handed to her, and Jules rested a hand on her back, gently guiding her away from the small stand.

"It's so good!" Jenna squealed. "Nothing like that icky hospital food." As they walked, Jenna slid her hand into Juliet's larger one, and held on tight. She didn't have too many memories of her parents; just fleeting, unfocused little-kid memories. A wave of sadness washed over her as she thought of all the people she'd lost, including the friends she'd lost to cancer. As much as she already loved Juliet as her surrogate mother, she didn't want to lose her too.

"So, what do you want to do? Today, you don't have to be the girl with cancer who lives at the hospital. You can be anyone you want." Swallowing her sorrow, she smiled slightly up at Jules, knowing exactly what she wanted to do.

"I want to be a detective."

**.:X:.**

Lassiter growled under his breath as he sat at his computer. He hated doing paperwork; he absolutely despised it with every fibre of his being, and wished it could just go die in some hole somewhere. Unfortunately that wasn't possible, and he just had to suck it up and get it overwith, he supposed.

"Lassieface!" Carlton froze. No. No way. There was no way that was who he thought it was. Spencer wouldn't leave the hospital unless...

"Shawn, leave him alone," Juliet chastised. Lassiter looked up, and had to do a double take as three people slowly made their way towards him. Spencer and Juliet he recognized easily enough, but he had no idea who the kid was- or why she was with them. He also noted that Juliet took slow, halting steps, like she was an old woman. He couldn't help but wonder if it was due to the surgery, or if it was because of the tumor cells the doctors hadn't been able to get rid of.

"Who's the kid?" he asked gruffly, too irritated to come up with a better greeting.

"Carlton, this is Jenna. She's my roommate at the hospital, and she wants to be a detective when she grows up." He caught the meaningful look she was giving him, and he forced himself to calm down.

"Hi, I'm Detective Carlton Lassiter," he said, sticking his hand out to the girl. Jenna grinned and barely supressed a squeal.

"I know!" she smiled. "Juliet told me all about you!"

He stood up, suddenly towering over her. "O'Hara, did you clear this with the chief? Is she seriously okay with this?"

"Am I okay with what?" Jenna could practically taste the tension the Lassiter and Jules felt at the presence of a new voice. She turned and found a woman with medium honey-brown hair standing there, hands on hips, staring down her two detectives. They began trying to explain it, stumbling over words and interrupting each other, until Shawn cut it.

"Chief, this is Jenna. Jenna, this is Chief Vick. Alright, now that everyone's properly introduced: Chief, Jenna wants to go into law enforcement when she grows up. Think we can let her see what it's like a little early?"


	5. Chapter 4

**Woo! Second update today! And a very special thanks to tjmack, who has promised to review each and every chapter. You rock!**

* * *

><p>"You seriously think this is a good idea? You're letting a twelve year old shoot a gun!"<p>

"Relax, Spencer. It's fine. After all, she was trained by me."

"Carlton, you showed her how to hold it, and then demonstrated it for her. That hardly counts as training." Lassiter scowled at the two of them. Juliet looked beyond worried, and Shawn just looked nervous. The four of them were standing in the gun range, Jenna poised somewhat awkwardly with the gun, aiming it at the paper target in front of her.

"She asked if she could learn. I was just respecting her wishes."

"She's twelve!"

All three adults jumped as the small room was filled with a deafening bang. Not even a second later, Juliet had pushed between the two men and sighed with relief when she confirmed that Jenna had not accidently shot herself. In fact, the girl was grinning, pointing at the paper target.

"I did it! Did you see me? I did it!" She half-screamed. All eyes traveled down the range, where a bullet hole had ravaged right where the person's lung would have been.

"Damn."

* * *

><p>"Thanks Detective Lassiter! I had a great time!" Juliet and Jenna waved as they exited the station. Lassiter held up a hand in farewell, and then disappeared deeper into the station, preparing himself to face the paperwork he'd put off all day.<p>

"What do you say, should we start heading back?" Jenna's smile melted away, her excitement evaporating with it. The last thing she wanted to do was go back to the hospital; it was so boring in there, and there were so few kids to play with.

"I guess," she said sullenly. She knew that the day had to end eventually, no matter how much fun she was having. It was just that she hadn't been outside of the hospital grounds in so long, and she didn't know when the next day like this would come. Even when she wasn't getting treatments, she was kept in the oncology ward, the place she'd practically lived in for the past seven years. The nurses had basically raised her; the doctors all knew her and looked after her. Getting to know Juliet and adopting her as a surrogate mother had been refreshing. And now she wouldn't be able to spend as much time with her.

Jules, sensing Jenna's reluctance, pulled her close and kissed the top of her head. "I pinky promise to come by everyday and spend time with you. I'm not abandoning you. Just pretend I'm at work or something." The two linked pinkies, and Shawn and Juliet escorted Jenna back up to her room. They hugged and kissed her goodbye then finally left, looking forward eargerly to the morning.

* * *

><p>"Aww she's so adorable!" Jules gushed as they entered Jenna's room. The girl was sound asleep, her face turned towards the window and away from the door. Her blonde hair was getting longer, to the point where Jules could wrap it around her fingers a few times.<p>

She quickly set down the packages on her old bed and took Jenna's hand. At the familiar touch, Jenna's eyelids began to flutter, and she slowly woke up.

"Happy Birthday, sweetie," Jules whispered in her ear. Jenna looked up at jules sleepily, then smiled.

"Thanks." She began to sit up, and caught sight of the cake Shawn was holding. "How did you know?"

"Hello, I'm psychic!" Shawn exclaimed, walking forward so he was next to Jules. Juliet elbowed him in the side. "Well, that and Jules read your chart." He set the cake down on the table in front of her, and Jenna couldn't help but laugh when she saw the candles.

"Are those toothpicks that are painted red on top?"

"Well, the hospital wouldn't allow us to have real candles, so we did the next best thing," Shawn explained. "They're still good for wishing on, you know. My best friend did it for me once at school, and my wish came true." jenna closed her eyes, crossed her fingers, and then blew on the toothpicks, wishing for the thing she wanted most in the world.

"What'd you-"

"I can't tell you!" she shrieked. "It won't come true if I do!" Jules laughed and handed jenna the small stack of presents, taking a small envelope from the pile.

"Open this one last," she said, holding it up. They watched as Jenna opened present after present, her eyes lighting up more and more as the paper fell away, revealing some sort of treat that she'd wanted. When it was all reduced to two piles- one for garbage and one for presents- Juliet surrendered tha envelope. As soon as Jenna opened the card, a piece of paper fell out. Jenna picked it up, and squealed so loud that Shawn swore it broke his eardrums.

"Is this a ticket to the annual Survivors' Day? I always wanted to go, but no one could ever take me!" Every year, the hospital held an event specially for cancer survivors. Jenna had always watched as people had filed in, but all the nurses were too busy to take her, and she didn't have any money to buy a ticket anyway.

"Thank you! Thank you, like, a million times!" Jules and Shawn hugged the small girl in the bed, and Juliet couldn't help but think that they looked like a perfect little family. Exactly the family she'd always wanted, whether she'd realized it or not.


	6. Chapter 5

"If you think I'm going to go, you're very sadly mistaken," Jules said stubbornly from the bathroom of the hospital room. A few days ago, she'd been hospitalized with a 103 degree fever. Her immune system had been almost completely supressed, and she'd gotten an infection. They'd loaded her up with a bunch of antibiotics, and more chemo.

And then she'd discovered that _it _had started.

She knew that it would happen; she'd seen other cancer patients everyday. She knew that it was inevitable, but now that it was actually happening, it was all so real, so in-her-face.

Jenna had been asleep, so the light behind her bed was the only thing illuminating the room as she laid in Shawn's arms. He'd been reading The Catcher in the Rye out loud to her, running a hand through her hair. She'd been about to fall asleep too, when Shawn had just stopped. When he didn't respond, she'd rolled over to see what was bothering him.

He'd been holding a chunk of her hair.

The thin golden strands were woven between his fingers; there had been an impossible amount threaded there. She'd almost begun to cry when she saw that. It had finally begun to happen. She was losing her hair. Jenna had helped Jules shave her head the next day, then shaved her own in support. After seeing all of their hair laying on the ground by her feet, Jules had almost started crying again. All of her hair, her beautiful blonde locks, were gone.

"Jules, everyone out there either had no hair or very little hair. You'll fit right in."

"Plus you don't want to miss Survivors' Day," Jenna piped up. "And by you, I mean me!" Jules smiled slightly, unseen by anyone on the other side of the door. Her smile faded as she turned back to the mirror and rubbed a hand over her smooth scalp.

When she was still only partially bald, not only was she able to hide her scar, but she also didn't look as sick. Now she looked like a cancer patient, the scar from her surgery now very prominent. It began about two inches behind her temple, an inch or two above her ear, and curved almost to the back of her head.

Suddenly, there was a buzzing from outside the bathroom, a sound she easily recognized as the razor they used to shave her head. She threw the door open, just in time to see Shawn finish shaving off a swath of hair, right down the middle of his head. She watched, openmouthed, as she watched his hair float down to the ground.

"Shawn! Why would you do that?" she gaped at him.

"To show support for both of you. If you can walk around with no hair, so can I." He raised the device again, and began cutting another strip off. Jules yanked out the plug before he even got half-way down his head.

"Hey! What was that for?"

"If you shave your head, it will just be a constant reminder that I'm sick," Jules said, her eyes watering. "That Jenna is sick. That we're both bald. And I can't do anything about it." Shawn gave her a sympathetic look.

"Well am I at least allowed to finish what I started? It just looks goofy this way..." They began to stare each other down, but Juliet could feel her resolve crumbling slowly, and she finally reached down to plug the razor back in. Jules took it from him, and proceeded to shave the rest of his head, then kissed both his and Jenna's shaven heads, just for good luck.

* * *

><p>Juliet rubbed at her eyes for the tenth time in the past hour. She had a killer headache, and a major sense of deja vu. For now, they were just waiting for the test result to come back. The wait was agonizing, though Jules suspected she already knew the outcome.<p>

She'd survived for five months- two months longer than the doctors expected her to live when they first diagnosed her. Two months longer than she'd expected to survive.

Sixty days she hadn't expected to see.

1,440 hours more with people she loved.

86,400 precious minutes with Shawn and Jenna.

She prayed with all her might that it wasn't back. She'd only lost her hair a week ago; she wasn't sure if she could deal with another blow like this. She'd been in remission for almost four months now- relatively cancer-free for four months. It couldn't be true.

The door opened, its hinges squeaking ever so slightly. Shawn got to his feet in an instant, as if greeting royalty. Jenna looked up from the coloring book she and Jules had been working on. Jules sat up straighter in her bed, tensing ever so slightly.

"I'm sorry."

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry to end it there, but I'd had this chapter planned out for a little while. Please review!<strong>


	7. Chapter 6

Jules frowned and tried to adjust the white _thing_ on her head. She wasn't even sure what to call it. All she knew was that it was part of a clinical trial for those who had tumor recurrence after recieving shemotherapy. Shawn hadn't thought it was a good idea, but Jules had signed the form anyway. If it didn't help, she reason, she was dying anyway. Might as well help people research.

It was for Novocure, something called NovoTTF-100A. It created a low intensity, alternating electric field within that tumor, preventing the dividing process and killing the cancer cells before the division. She was still able to go about her everyday life; she just had to carry around a six-pound bag with her, and wear the stupid-looking helmet. They'd done surgery again, before starting her on the NovoTTF thing, this time leaving a little more of the tumor than last time. They hadn't been able to get all of it out again, and for now they were monitoring her and the tumor.

Shawn had gotten permission for them to take Jenna out of the hospital for the day again, and they were currently on their way to the station, much to Juliet's dismay. Although she missed Buzz and the Chief and even Lassiter at times, she didn't want them to see her like this.

She'd lost a lot of weight from the time after the surgery- she'd had a bad reaction to the anesthesia and wasn't able to keep anything down for a couple of days. They'd even gone so far as to put her on a feeding tube, but it hadn't helped (not to mention the fact that the hospital food was disgusting). Her clothes- which had fit perfectly when she was healthy- were now loose and baggy on her frame. Despite her best efforts to put the weight back on, she just wasn't able to.

"We're here!" Jenna crowed happily. The sunlight was hitting her face at an angle that made her look like she was glowing. Jenna threw open the car door and bounded up the steps.

"Be careful!" Jules called, slowly standing. "Your leg-"

"Is just fine. Now c'mon!" Shawn chuckled and the two of them followed the hyper child. Jules ignored the stares as best as she could, but the look she got from Lassiter was the one that sent her over the edge.

"What?" she snapped at him. "What are you staring at?"

"Nothing, but-"

"But what? I have a white helmet-thing on my head? Yeah, I know," she huffed, crossing her arms. "I'm very well aware of it." Lassiter held his hands up and turned to Shawn.

"What happened to _you_?" he asked. "You look like you joined the army." It was true. Shawn's hair had begun to grow back, but it looked more like he'd gotten a buzz cut. Jenna's hair had begun to grow back too, but her was slightly longer that Shawn's. Jules felt like the odd one out; she was still completely bald.

"Well, Lassie, A giant hair-eating kangaroo with razor sharp teeth attacked me. It's only started to grow back." Shawn sent a sideways glance at Juliet, who was trying to hold in her laughter. Lassiter rolled his eyes and tried his hardest to focus on his work. Jules took a quick look around the bullpen, searching for Jenna. She spotted her in the chief's office, chatting animatedly with Chief Vick. Much to Juliet's surprise, the chief had a smile on her face and didn't look the least bit annoyed with the girl.

Then again, the chief didn't know that Jenna planned to shadow her for the entire day.

At least she knew that Jenna would be safe. The chief was one of the few people Jules trusted completely, and she knew that Karen Vick would die before letting any harm come to Juliet's daughter.

Jules paused at that thought. _Her daughter._ She supposed that Jenna was considered her daughter at this point; they two had forged a bond that was incredibly similar to that of a parent and child. And the hospital always came to either Shawn or Juliet (or both) with news about Jenna's cancer. She'd even snuck a peek at Jenna's chart again, and she and Shawn were listed as her guardians.

Yes, Jenna was,without a doubt, Juliet's daughter.

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry that it's so short. Please review!<strong>


	8. Chapter 7

Shawn, Jules and Jenna all looked up at the soft knocking on the door. Jenna had been busy beating the two adults at Monopoly. The game was now forgotten as the doctor beckoned the two adults out into the hallway. Jules sent a backwards glance at Jenna before stepping out and following Dr. Tanaka down the hall to the waiting room. Once seated, Dr. Tanaka cleared his throat before saying the worst possible thing you can tell parents.

"Jenna's not doing as well as we'd like," he said grimly. Juliet's hand automatically flew up to her mouth. No. This couldn't be happening. Not now.

Shawn laughed incredulously, looking from the doctor to the direction of the room. "What are you talking about? I thought she was doing fine." The doctor shook his head.

"The cancer has spread. I know this is the last thing you ever wanted to hear, but I'm sorry. There's nothing mo-"

Jules ran.

She didn't want to hear the rest of the sentence. She knew what was coming next. She knew. She didn't need to hear it out loud. She ran down the hall, calling Jenna's name. She skidded to a stop in the doorway, took in the messy sheets, the discarded board game. Jenna wasn't there. She spun away from the door, ignoring both the headache beginning to form and Shawn calling her name.

_How do you lose a twelve-year-old girl? _She thought furiously. A hand caught her wrist, and she rounded on the person, ready to chew them out. Shawn pulled her close in an attempt to stop her mad dash through the hospital. She struggled and squirmed against him, hell-bent on finding her daughter.

"Lemme go!" she shouted, pounding her fists againt Shawn's chest. She managed to push away, and tore down the hallway. She did not care that people are calling her name. She brushed past the people who reach out to stop her. In her mind, if she could find Jenna, it meant that none of this was happening. Juliet and Jenna wouldn't have cancer, and Jenna certainly wouldn't be dying. They would be a happy little family living in Santa Barbara. Happy and healthy and whole. She needed to find Jenna, because that would mean she didn't have to live without her.

**.:X:.**

Jenna was found in the linen closet on the maternity floor; Jules and Shawn were notfied immediately. Juliet streaked down the stairs, burst through the door and scooped the small girl up into her arms. She planted kisses all over her head and face, relieved that Jenna hadn't decided to flee the hospital. She became concerned when the girl was unresponsive.

"Jenna," she soothed, stroking her hair. "Jenna, Jenna Jenna. I'm so sorry, baby."

"I'm scared," she wimpered, snuggling closer to Jules.

"I know. I know you are. But you know what? You're the bravest person I know." Jules rocked her in her arms as they sat on the floor together, completely oblivious that the door had opened again, and that Shawn was standing in the doorway.

Jenna twisted and stared at a photo that Juliet hadn't realized she was holding. It showed a younger Jenna; she couldn't have been older than three. Before she got sick. Jenna was midair, her arms and legs flying up and out away from her body. A man was smiling, his arms outstretched to catch her as gravity pulled her down, and a woman was laughing in the background.

"I don't remember her," Jenna whispered. She storked her thumb over the glossy photo. "She was beautiful."

It took Jules a minute to figure out that Jenna was talking about her younger self. That she couldn't remember being healthy. That she may as well have been living with cancer her entire life. That, to Jenna, there was no memory of the before, only the during and after.

* * *

><p><strong>*Dodges flaming sporks* Sorry it's so short. Please review, even if it's to tell me how much you hate my guts!<strong>


	9. Chapter 8

Jenna laid silently in her bed, staring out the window at the trees. She was completely inconsolable. Even a visit from Lassiter and Chief Vick couldn't cheer her up. In fact, it just made her retreat further into her shell. Their visit had been a reminder that she would never be able to grow up and live her dream. That she would never grow up, period.

Because in a matter of months, she would be lowered into the ground forever.

She pulled the covers up to her ears and rolled on her side, facing away from Jules and Shawn. She thought about those fleeting months of happiness, when she could pretend that they were really her parents and that they were a family. But in a real family, neither her nor Juliet would have cancer. Now, all she wanted was her real mother. She wanted her to come back and hold her and make everything better.

"Jenna..." Jules touched her shoulder lightly, and she recoiled slightly at the touch. It was childish, but she resented Jules the tiniest bit. Because she wasn't dying. Jules hadn't been given a death sentence. But Jenna had.

Jules slowly brought back her hand. She wished that Jenna would talk to her. After that moment in the closet, Jenna had become distant and lethargic. Almost catatonic. Jules flet like she was slowly slipping away, and that if the cancer didn't claim her first, the state she was currently in would.

Either way, she would lose the girl she had come to think of as her daughter.

Ever since she was a little girl, she'd imagined what her life would be like. As a five year old, she'd imagined that she'd become a teacher, and then one day a prince would come and swoop her off her feet, and they would ride off towards his castle on his snow white horse.

When she was twelve, she was certain that she wanted to be an actress. She'd star in all the blockbusters, make millions per year and live in a huge house by the shore. She'd marry someone no one had ever heard of, and they'd adopt a bunch of kids from Uganda or Somalia or something.

It wasn't until she was 18 that she realized what she truly wanted to do with her life. It wasn't until she was 18 that she decided to go into law enforcement. She'd graduate from the academy in Miami, and then go on to become a detective, and eventually maybe even chief. Somewhere in there, she'd meet the perfect guy, and they'd settle down and have kids. She wanted at least one daughter and one son, Amelia and Matthew, and they would be the center of her world.

But life isn't always what we plan, and sometimes things turn out the exact opposite way we wanted.

* * *

><p>Weeks passed, and Jules felt as if the weight of the world was resting on her shoulders as she watched Jenna get sicker and sicker. By the time Jenna's birthday came around, she no longer had any energy to do anything, and she wasn't able to digest certain foods.<p>

Jules kept up a vigil beside Jenna's bed, day and night. She left only to shower and eat, and then she was right back by Jenna's side. She held her hand, read to her, told her stories- anything Jenna wanted, she got.

But both Shawn and Juliet could see that Jenna was slipping fast. They knew they only had a matter of days left with her. Maybe a week, if they were really lucky. The doctors knew, too, and had advised them to start saying their goodbyes.

Jules had broken down when she'd heard them say that. She knew she would have had to eventually, but hearing it made it real. Her daughter was going to die, and there was nothing she could do but watch.

Jenna slowly clawed her way into consiousness, and Jules was at her side in an instant, taking her freezing hand into her own larger one. It took a second, but Jenna focused her sight on Juliet's face. Jules's hands fluttered over her helplessly, then settled for stroking her head.

"Hey, baby. How're you feeling?" Jenna closed her eyes again, and that was answer enough for Jules. They stayed like that for a while, Jenna resting while Jules stroked her hair.

"Do you think they keep track of time in Heaven?" Jenna asked softly, opening her eyes again. Jules's breath caught in her throat, and she had to swallow a few times before she could answer.

"I-I don't... I don't know, Jenna." Her words came out scrambled, her eyes bright with tears. Jenna sqeezed her hand feebly, then smiled up at Juliet.

"I hope they dont, Mommy. I don't want... I don't want to know how long it'll be... 'til I see you again." And slowly, oh so slowly, she released Juliet's hand as her own dropped lifelessly to the bed.

And Juliet buried her face into the sheets and sobbed as she heard the steady whine of Jenna's heart monitor.

* * *

><p>Everything was white. White roses and white chairs and a white tombstone. A white casket in which a little girl with skin as white as a sheet was lying, dressed in a beautiful white dress.<p>

Shawn stood next to Juliet, staring silently at the tiny casket. There shouldn't even be such a thing as a child's casket. They simply just shouldn't exist. He stared at his daughter, plea-bargaining with God for just one more hour, one more minute.

Jules leaned heavily on his arm, her left hand clenched tightly in a fist. No matter what anyone did, they weren't able to get her to open her hand. Tears cascaded freely down her cheeks as she stared at the little girl who shouldn't have died so soon. She was barely fourteen years old.

She tuned everyone and everything out and focused only on the still form of Jenna's body. She didn't move, didn't react as they closed the casket slowly lowered it into the hole that had been dug.

A strong gust of wind blew through the cemetary, and as Jules lifted her face to the skies, she opened her fist. Out tumbled a handful of white rose petals. Shawn and Juliet watched as they got caught in the wind and were carried up and away.

Up to Jenna.


	10. Chapter 9

Shawn glanced at Juliet for the third time in the past ten minutes. She hadn't moved from the armchair in their apartment since she'd gotten up six hours ago. Still clothed in her pajamas, she simply stared ahead. Not moving. Barely breathing. Just thinking.

She kept replaying Jenna's last words in her mind. She'd called her "Mommy" for the first time... and then she'd died right in front of her. Jules suppressed a sob; crying wouldn't help Jenna now. Then again, nothing could.

'What a screwed up way to say goodbye,' she thought, staring out at the pouring rain.

She remembered when the hospital orderlies had come to collect the sheets and blankets from Jenna's bed. Jules had been sitting there for hours, just staring at the bed that had once held her daughter. When they told her that they were there to take it all away, she'd grabbed the pillow. Burying her face in it, she'd inhaled Jenna's scent one last time, and then suddenly gasped for air.

There under Jenna's pillow was a crumpled picture of the three of them. It was taken on Jenna's last day out of the hospital, at the station. At the time, none of them knew it was being taken. Buzz had snapped it without them realizing it. Jenna was in the middle, her hands entwined with both Shawn's and Juliet's. They were facing away from the camera as they left the station that day. In the background, everyday Santa Barbara life was going on.

The same picture was now tucked away safely in Jules's bedside table drawer.

Shawn was growning more and more concerned about Jules. She had barely eaten in the week since Jenna's death, and her clothes now hung even looser on her tiny frame. Last night, as she had been dozing peacefully next to him, Shawn had run a hand up her side, and he could feel all her ribs through her shirt. She refused to talk to him or Gus, and barely moved throughout the day.

He crossed through the kitchen and knelt down in front of her. Her blank eyes stared straight through him, as if he wasn't even there.

"Jules?" She slowly blinked twice, then finally focused on his face. Her eyes seemed dead and dull, and it scared him to be honest. "Do you want anything to eat?" She shook her head and resumed staring out the window.

"You need to eat something, sweetheart." She gave no indication that she even heard him, and he scrubbed a hand over his face. He didn't know what to do anymore. He didn't even have time to mourn Jenna because he was too busy worrying about Juliet's declining state.

"Talk to me, Jules. What's going on?"

"It's called survivor's guilt for a reason, Shawn," she said, so quietly he almost didn't hear her.

"I know. But you couldn't have done anything about that, Jules. There's nothing that-"

"I already know that!" she cried, whipped her head around to face him. "Don't you think I already knew that there was nothing I could do? That's the problem! I couldn't do anything but watch her slowly wither away..." Her outburst secretly please Shawn; it was the first sign of emotion that she'd shown since Jenna had died. The first indication that she wasn't slipping into the catatonic state Jenna had been in when they first heard that the cancer had spread.

"What I meant was, you knew you would have to let her go sometime," he said, stroking her arm. She turned her face away again, tears burning at her eyes.

"But I loved her," she whimpered. Shawn scooped her up and settled her onto his lap as silent tears rolled down her cheeks, his own joining hers. They sat like that on the floor for hours, each one lost in their own hellish world. Apart from the other and yet somehow together, joined by that hallow emptiness that can only come from losing a child.


	11. Chapter 10

"Goddammit, Jules!" Shawn slammed his mug down on the kitchen table, splashing coffee all over the table and floor and himself. Jules looked up from her seat in the armchair in surprise at Shawn's outburst, eyes wide. Shawn crossed the space between them and roughly yanked her up from the couch.

"Shawn, cut it out!" she snapped sharply, yanking her arms out of Shawn's grip.

"No, _you _cut it out!" He retorted. She opened her mouth to respond, but he cut her off. "This moping or whatever it is, it isn't healthy!"

"Well it's how I cope," she huffed, crossing her arms and turning to sit down again. Shawn grabbed her by the upper arm and pulled her close to him again.

"It's been a month, Juliet!" He shouted. Jules winced at the use of her full name. He never called her Juliet unless he was furious. "It's been a month, and you've barely done anything besides sleep and sit on that couch and stare off into space!"

"I watched my daughter die, Shawn!" she snarled, eyes blazing. "I watched her die right in front of me! Do you have any idea how traumatic that is? Do you?." She pushed past him and headed down the hall towards their bedroom. Shawn followed after her, nowhere near done giving her a piece of his mind.

"You're not the only one who lost their daughter,_ Juliet_!" he snapped. "I miss her, too, but I'm getting on with my life. But not you! You just sit there and feel sorry for yourself!"

She suddenly whirled around, hand outstretched. There was a resounding _snap_ as Shawn's head whipped around from the force of the blow. For a second, he saw stars, then shook it off to meet her glare with his own.

"You think I'm feeling sorry for _myself_?" she demanded through clenched teeth. "You think this is about me? I feel sorry for Jenna, and for anyone else who didn't survive this! I feel guilty that they died, and I didn't! It should've been the other way around! _I_ should have died! _I _should be the one in the ground!"

"Don't say that," Shawn yelled back. "Don't you _dare _say that, Juliet!" His eyes were brimming with tears as he stared at her.

"Why? Because you don't want me to be gone? Well it's true," she yelled through her own tears. "It's true! And I'm never taking it back!" She strode into the bathroom and slammed the door behind her. A second later, he heard a small click as she locked the door.

Shawn screamed in frustration, turning back to the kitchen. Grabbing the first thing he saw- which happened to be the mug he'd slammed down minutes before- he threw it at the wall with all his might. The mug exploded into a hundred pieces and left coffee stains on the wall and floor. He scooped up his keys and left the house, slamming the front door as he left.

* * *

><p>It took him hours to calm down enough before he could even think of going home. He'd been driving around town, first to his father's house and then to Gus's. Both had let him vent for a while, then begged off when they saw him getting angrier again. After that he'd simply driven around and tried to clear his head.<p>

Both the sky and the apartment were dark when he got home. He tossed his keys onto the counter and flicked on the lights as he passed. As he turned the corner, he nearly jumped out of his skin as he caught sight of Jules sitting in the armchair again, staring straight at him.

"I'm going to bed," he muttered gruffly as he passed. "Goodnight." She didn't say anything. She just kept staring ahead at nothing.

He thought about going back and apologizing as he stripped out of his clothes and changed into pajamas. He climbed onto his side of the bed, and rolled over so that if Jules did decide to come to bed eventually, his back would be toward her. He yanked the covers over his shoulders and promptly fell asleep.

* * *

><p>He wasn't sure what had woken him up at first. It was still dark out, and therefore he shouldn't be up, he reasoned. But the bed seemed to be vibrating, making it impossible to go back to sleep.<p>

His eyes snapped open.

The bed shouldn't be vibrating.

He quickly snapped his bedside lamp on and turned to the other side of the bed. His mind was still groggy, and it took him a second to recognize the convulsing tangle of arms and legs on the bed next to him.

"Jules!" he cried, lunging for her body. She made a gutteral sound in the back of her throat as he pinned down her arms and legs to keep them from smacking him. Her body strained beneath his, and he finally managed to roll her onto her side. Her arm clipped his face right where she'd hit him before as he reached for the phone.

"911, what's your emergency?"

"My name is Shawn Spencer, my girlfriend is having a seizure. I live at 12159 Sullivan Ave. Please hurry," he said quickly, desperation leaking into his voice.

"Ambulances are on the way, sir."

"Thank you." He hung up and devoted his attention back to Juliet, who was still convulsing on the bed next to him. Tears slowly slid down his cheeks as he held her in place to keep her from hurting herself. His thoughts flew to their fight before, and he was crushed by the guilt he felt for yelling at her.

Her body slowly began to relax and he cradled her limp form in his arms. He gently rocked her and chanted her name, hoping that she could hear him and that it comforted her as she came to.

"Shawn," she whimpered quietly as sirens filled the night air, "it's back."


	12. Chapter 11

Shawn paced the length of the hallway, stopping a few times to peer through the door of Juliet's room. She was dozing quietly in the hospital bed, face turned toward the window. He sighed and began his pacing again, scrubbing a hand over his face and letting it rest over his mouth. When he got to the end of the hallyway, he crossed his arms and headed back the way he came.

It was bad this time. Worse than ever before. The worst case they'd ever seen, they'd said. His mind replayed that scene over and over again, unable to let it go. He slammed his palm against the wall and rested his head against it. This was his fault. If he hadn't yelled at her yesterday, this wouldn't have happened.

He wanted to take back every word he said. He wanted to reverse time and take it all back and just hold her close.

But he couldn't go back. And it was killing both of them.

Or rather, it was killing him. The cancer was doing a good job of killing Juliet.

_'Jules,' _he thought desperately. He couldn't even begin to imagine what she was going through. To have relapsed twice now in the span of a year... And now to be considered the worst case that the specialist had ever seen...

His memory dredged up the scan they'd showed them early that morning. This time there was not one, but two tumors. One was smaller, only about the side of a grape. The other was larger, about the same size as a ping pong ball.

And they'd discovered that it had spread to her brain, something so rare that most of the oncologists had never seen it.

They'd removed the tumors, but they all knew it would only prolong her life, not save it. The surgery was to give her the maximum amount of time to say her goodbyes, though no one said it out loud. They couldn't do anything more for her.

Shawn dried his tears and headed towards the nurse's station, checking up on Juliet once more as he passed. He knew she would want to go home. She would want to be somewhere familiar when the time came.

* * *

><p>They laid side by side in their bed. Jules's eyes were closed, but Shawn knew she was awake, listening to him read to her. She loved it when he read <span>The Catcher in the Rye<span> to her. It was probably one of her favorite things in the world.

"Here's what he said," Shawn read aloud, "'The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of the mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one.'"

"Marry me, Shawn," Juliet murmured, opening her eyes and staring straight into Shawn's. He gaped at her for a second before catching himself and wiping his shock off his face. His eyebrows furrowed as he stared back at her.

"What?"

"I know, it's the worst timing possible," she said, her voice taking on a pleading tone. "I seem to have the worst timing for everything. But the thing is, I want to marry you, so bad. I want to spend the rest of my life with you _as your wife_."

He struggled for words, his mouth opening an closing a few times. "Jules, are you sure you want this?"

"No," she snapped, pushing herself up into a sitting position. "Why would I propose to you if I wasn't sure?" Shawn pulled her close and kissed her forehead.

"Alright," he said. "Alright."

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry it's so short! I just figured I might as well end on a happier note seeing as I've been writing depressing chapters recently... They deserve a little happiness.<strong>


	13. Chapter 12

**I'm baaaaaack! I'm sorry for disappearing off the face of the earth for about ahhhh... two months, give or take a few days. Writers block and all that. But now I'm back and I already have the end written out. And no, it's not this chapter. And I hate to say it guys, but this story is almost over. Crazy, ain't it? Anyway, since I doubt many people are still reading this note, let's get on back to the story (finally)!**

* * *

><p>Shawn didn't know what to do. Juliet's condition was getting worse and worse by the day, and he couldn't do anything but watch as she slowly slipped away. He'd tried to convince her to go to Survivors Day a few weeks ago.<p>

"I can't go, Shawn," She'd snapped at him. "Survivors Day is for people who have already beaten cancer. And we both know that I'm not going to beat this!"

He'd been too stunned to speak for about twenty minutes after that.

Since then, she'd only gotten worse. She could no longer move without assistance, and she was constantly in pain. Breathing for her had become increasingly difficult until it got to the point where she had to wear an oxygen mask.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by a feather-light touch on his hand. Jules stared back at him with a worried expression.

"Are you okay?" she asked. "You look kind of upset."

"I'm fine," he assured her. "Go back to sleep." He gently stroked her knuckles with his thumb, purposely touching her wedding band a few times. It was as if he needed to assure himself that it hadn't been a dream, that he really had married his one true love.

As Juliet's head drooped once more and her breathing became even, Shawn stood up and left her hospital room. He strode down to the nurses' station, mentally preparing himself for what he was about to say.

"Excuse me, Kerri," he said, addressing Jules's favorite nurse.

"Shawn, is something wrong?" Kerri asked, half-rising from her seat. "Is Juliet alright?"

"No, no, nothing's wrong," he said quickly. "You don't have to get up. I was just wondering if it would be okay for me to take Juliet home. I just- I think she'd want to-" He choked on the lump in his throat.

"Shawn..." Kerri reached out a comforting hand to him.

"Please," he begged in a broken voice. "Please, she'd want to die in her own bed. She hates hospitals, you know that. I just want to give her this one last thing."

Kerri nodded sympathetically. "I'll see what I can do." Shawn pressed a fist to his mouth, trying to keep the sobs that threatened to tear themselves from his lips in.

* * *

><p><strong>Once again, sorry that this is so short. Writers block sucks. please review!<strong>


	14. Chapter 13

**Alright, you guys. Prepare yourselves for... *cue drumroll* the final chapter. That's right. After this it's done. I made this chapter extra long as a special treat for you guys. I'd just like to thank all of those who have reviewed, especially tjmack.**

**I'd also like to dedicate this entire story to my sister.**

* * *

><p>They say when the time has come to move on, that physically, mentally, and spiritually one knows when to let go completely, with no regrets, no reservations.<p>

Juliet knew that time was here for her.

Turning her head slightly, she caught sight of Shawn, dozing off in the armchair. She smiled sadly, taking in his peaceful-looking face for what she knew was the last time. Her shaky hand reached out for him, and he jolted awake in an instant. She spoke, but the oxygen mask made it so muffled that he couldn't understand her. He stood and carefully lifted the mask.

"What did you say, Jules?"

"Read... to me... please." Her voice was barely above a whisper. Shawn searched the armchair and the floor surrounding it before locating Catcher in the Rye on the end table next to the chair. It had been her favorite book of all time and Shawn had read it aloud to her four times already, never complaining when Jules begged him to start it all over again.

"I felt so depressed you can't imagine," he read. "What I did, I started talking, sort of out loud, to Allie. I do that sometimes when I get very depressed." In a way, Shawn thought that reading any passages about Allie to her was kind of ironic.

Juliet's breathing was heavy and sporadic as he read to her. She went over and over each section of Shawn's face, memorizing him. Shawn glanced at the clock next to Jules's bed.

"What do you think? Should we keep reading?" he asked. Jules weakly shook her head no and tried to take off the mask.

Shawn put it back on. "Leave it on, Jules. I know it's uncomfort-"

Juliet's voice came out muffled and Shawn lifted the mask up, away from her face.

"I... can't. I can't, Shawn."

"Okay. Alright, baby." Shawn couldn't fight his tears anymore. he bent down and reluctantly shut off the oxygen tank and ever so carefully removed the mask from Juliet's face. He caressed Jules's cheeks with both his hands, staring deeply into her eyes.

"I'm... so... so tired, Shawn."

Shawn dropped his hands into hers and held on tight. "I know, sweetheart. I know you must be. But you know what? You have been so strong, Jules. I don't know if I could ever be as strong as you."

"You... You've... always been... this strong." Juliet smiled weakly. "That's... how... I know... how... to do it. Because... of you."

Shawn looked down at the book and let go of Juliet's hands. After carefully climbing into the bed with her and gathing her tiny body in his arms, he picked up the book and started reading again. If he read, if he pretended it wasn't happening... _God, don't let it happen. Not yet. Give us one more day._

Juliet's eyes filled with tears. She slowly scooted closer and closer to Shawn. God, how she wanted to stay here forever. She wished she could be safe in his arms for the rest of her life, listening to his voice as he read to her and his hearbeat, her most favorite lullaby in the world.

Then again, it might turn out that way.

As Shawn read on, she felt her eyelids getting heavier and heavier. And so she snuggled closer to the man she loved, let herself relax, and closed her eyes.

And in her heart, she said goodbye.

And she let go.

* * *

><p>"Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody," Shawn finished, closing the book. He glanced down at Jules, who appeared to have dozed off at some point. But his gut told him something was wrong, and it took him a moment to realized what it was.<p>

She wasn't breathing.

"Jules?" He gently shook her shoulder. "Jules? Juliet Spencer, this isn't funny." He shook her shoulder a bit harder. "Jules, c'mon, wake up."

He pushed himself up into a sitting position and roughly shoved two fingers against the side of her neck, just below her jaw.

Nothing. No pulse beat steadily beneath his fingers.

Shawn jumped up frantically. "No! NO! Jules! Please, God! No! Juliet!" Shawn shook her hard and waited for Jules to breathe again. "_Not yet_! Please!" He touched Juliet's face and kissed her cheeks. "Oh, God." He laid his body over Juliet's as he sobbed.

* * *

><p>Shawn couldn't peel his eyes away from the grave. Chief Vick had offered full police honors, but he'd declined. He knew she wouldn't have wanted that huge production at her funeral. She would've wanted somthing small, friends and family only.<p>

Her portrait smiled back at him over the large bouquet of flowers place on her glossy mohogany casket. He couldn't help but think about how healthy she looked in the picture, nothing like the pale, sick woman in the casket. His eyes darted to the tombstone next to Juliet's, a smaller white one that marked the grave of their daughter. He hoped that at some point in the day, the sun would be angled so that Jenna's grave would rest comfortable in the shadow of Jules's tombstone.

He was aware of the sympathetic glances he and Lassiter were recieving, but he chose to ignore the,. Today was about Juliet, his wife, the love of his life, his soulmate. Today was about her and nobody else.

He listened vaguely as people gave their speeches about Juliet. They said how she was so strong, so brave, how she would be missed dearly. He cracked a smile as Lassiter recounted her first few days at the precinct. He nearly broke down when Buzz told them of his memories of her.

He stood slowly and crossed the small space to the spot just in front of the casket. He had to blink away tears and clear his throat before he was able to start.

"To summarize what Juliet meant to me is like trying to stuff an elephant into a four-foot-square box; it's impossible. I thought I would be ready for this when the time came. I thought I would be ready to say goodbye.

"I now know that this, too, is impossible. Despite what I though, I will never be ready. I will never be ready to wake up in the morning and have to remind myself that she's not next to me anymore. I will never be ready to come across a picture or a home video and remember exactly what was going on. I will never be ready to fully let her go. I will carry her memory around with me for the rest of my life."

Shawn paused to blink away the tears that were blurring his vision and to clear away the lump in his throat that was making it difficult to breathe. He retreated back to his seat. He watched sullenly as the casket was lowered into the ground.

As people began to leave and go home, Shawn remained seated, staring at the hole in the earth that had swallowed Jules. He stared at it blankly, even as they began to fill up the grave with dirt. He remained behind after they finished, staring at the clumps of dirt that now separated him from Jules.

He found himself rising to his feet before he even contemplated telling his legs to move. From inside his jacket, he pulled a small picture frame and set it on the ground between Jenna and Juliet's graves. Inside it was the picture Jules had found beneath Jenna's pillow after she died, the one of the three of them leaving the station.

He straightened up at a gust of wind ruffled his hair. Leaning his face up, much as Jules had done at Jenna's funeral, he let it caress his face as he reached inside his pants pocket. A handful of white rose petals tumbled out and fluttered in the breeze. He watched the petals as they danced in the wind, climbing higher and higher. He watched them float up to Juliet and Jenna, until he couldn't see them anymore.

And then he watched some more.

* * *

><p><strong>Fin.<strong>

**Please don't kill me.**

**(Just for the record, I had this ending planned all along.)**


End file.
